SS2013. what I'm wearing, and therefore you should not wear.

hello all.

as you know (mainly because the 3 of you that read this are my girlfriends) my fashion choices are ubs personal and therefore I don't follow trends as much as most. (also, most trends are heinous. sheer with shorts? come on you look like a white trash wedding guest) 

I prefer to pick items that I deem "classic". to me, this means that they fall in line with the style I've had since I was 18.  (before that was a nightmare). for EXAMPLE- men's sweats? classic. beat up old ratty t shirts? classic. capes? claaaaaassic.

if you were to take a photo of me and my girlfriends on any given friday or saturday social gathering you would see what i mean. they all look super polished and fabulous (i love to style them) and i am dressed in dirty denim and a calvin cape. you can circle me in any photograph like a highlights magazine. 

for ss13 i've decided to map out the odd things i will be pulling from my collection to perfectly creep out any dude at the bar. 


1. skinny overalls. they are so weird that i must own them. i might pair them with a skull themed blouse (i own like 200) or a mens white v neck t shirt. low key baubles. for gods sake, roll the legs up a little. 

2. like i said before, skulls. i love them, they go on my fashion 'do' list every season, every year. 

3. frilly/puffy... ok puffy shorts. i think they are so interesting. puffy fucking shorts. if they are jazzy enough to wear with heels, i think they would go well with a ratty old concert t shirt and necklaces. really confuse people.

4. neon accessories. this is pretty basic. like a billion people are doing neon right now. but a well placed pile of neon necklaces (either in the same shape and different colors, or different shapes and the same color)  will make a whole outfit pop... pair it with.....

5. WHITE! all white. top to tails. so weird. i will be wearing this.

6.  drapey-capey- anything. but do it in light layers and in expensive fabric.

7. if it looked like a body was dismembered on it, i'm in.


thats all, folks! please leave your own suggestions on what you will be wearing! 

andre leon talley IS my spirit animal

 he understands the 'big bag'. when all else fails, don't bring a small bag to your adventures. you look like you're taking crazy pills.

animal skins are meant to be worn. peta be damned. 

 we make the same face in public situations. i'm judging your atrocious outfit at the bar, he is judging you at fashion week. 

i think i own this cape.

we're annoyed. especially during our vogue reading time. 

we are in the same political mind-scape.

we have cool friends. slash. we wear excellent accessories.

we steal the show. once again, i own that cape. 

roooooomance!

so it's that time again, valentine's day. fellers, to avoid the vomit-inducing drippy ways to tell some bird you dig her- please choose from one of the following statements (given to us by some musical visionaries) 



when you feel embarrassed, then i'll be your pride. when you need directions, then i'll be the guide.  (death cab for cutie)



yours is the first face that i saw, think i was blind before i met you. (bright eyes)



you were made of every love and each regret up until they day we met.  (elvis costello) 



you're part of my identity (lauryn hill)



there are angels in your angles, theres a low moon caught in your tangles. (the decemberists) 



but darling when i see you, i see me. (magic numbers)



i can feel your hand in mine, though we're living separate lives in separate places. (ray lamontagne)



i got a story it's almost finished. now all i need is someone to tell it to, maybe thats you. (jimmy eat world)



told me you'd love me, that i'd never die alone. hand over your heart lets go home. (kings of leon)



next door, theres an old man who lived to his 90's and one day passed away in his sleep. and his wife she stayed for a couple of days and passed away. i'm sorry i know thats a strange way to tell you that i know we belong. that i know that i am the luckiest. (ben folds)

-------------------
i'm a theatre geek, so i'll be including some truly delicious theatre quotes in here too.



when will the blood begin to race? the sleeping bud burst into bloom? when will the flames at last, consume us?  (phantom of the opera)



one day more. another day, another destiny. (les miserables)



without love life is rock and roll without the drummer. (hairspray)



take heart, fair days will shine. take any heart, take mine.  (pirates of penzance)



things are looking up since love looked up at me. (crazy for you)



you were the song all along (rent)



we can do it together, you and me.. but mostly me. (book of mormon)

hey fatty!

so, you just CAN'T get your ass on the treadmill eh? this bikini-clad hot piece did the work! get up fatty. 

well, lucky for you I've created a mediocre music line-up that just may help you boogie the winter layer off.



1. Doo Wop- Lauryn Hill 
2. Summerboy - Lady Gaga
3. Wake up Call- Maroon 5
4. Yeah!- Usher
5. We Trying To Stay Alive- Wyclef Jean
6. Single Ladies- Beyonce


ok it's 6 songs, it's meant just for your cardio time. and no,not exactly musically life changing. HOWEVER, I bet you put on any of these 6 and your fat ass just cant help but get up and dance. 


work it bitches. 

bikini season bitches.

nothing i can say will get you off your ass and get you moving. but maybe these will help:

food tips:

 

and if you are still lazy, go to fitspo and look at the transformations! talk about working it.

ps im going to do this: how clever right?

ok remember how beautiful you are!

superbowl style.

well, well, well. eli you are one saucy minx. the trench! i die.


welcome to superbowl sunday. a big day for advertisers, puppies and drunk guys. 

so what to wear? what to eat? what to do? you, my friend, have come to the right place for these answers.


erin's 10 superbowl rules.

1. don't wear something weird please. you're watching football, not mountain climbing/going ballroom dancing/being a freshman in college. jeans and a cute blouse will do ladies. but nothing fancy, nothing overwhelming. i will be in boyfriend cut jeans, rolled at the hem (7 for all mankind) and a oxford (ralph lauren) with driving moccs (calvin). my jewelry will be minimum, although i might try my really cute betsy johnson football helmet earrings. theme!

2. don't regret what you eat. simple rule. its a big day for fried, dipped, and battered. be smart. eat a veggie somewhere in there.

3. don't be the drunk girl. this is not just a superbowl rule, its an always rule. being the drunk girl is not only gross but its just so sad. 

4. if you don't know the sport, don't talk. please. please. please.

5. don't insist on watching the 'puppy bowl' unless you're with the girls. 

6. don't talk during commercials. simple.

7. don't sing along with beyonce. she's the 'professional', you are the person on the couch. on the same note, don't criticize beyonce until later in the night. you'll look like a jealous, green monster idiot.

8. this should be obvious but, no heels girls. i know that you should have gotten that in rule one, but sometimes... ya know.. 

9. remember to smile and have fun. you should have fun. its a fun day. 

10. be beautiful no matter what happens. that's always my last rule, you're beautiful inside and out. enjoy it!

ta dah

hello.

welcome to the juicebox. i'm erin, your personal juicer. 

i'm here for fun. you're here because you are my personal friend and you feel like you probably should be reading this in case i quiz you on it later. (i will). this blog will act as a soapbox where i, essentially, tell you what is awesome (cats in hats), what is not awesome (i'm looking at you donuts), and what is funny (skinned knees on grown-ups). 

i will also be your guiding light for how to remain chic in a not- so- chic world. this will include telling you how i will dress/eat/think/accessorize/date/vote, and assuming you will most likely follow suit. 

feel free to gasp, cover your mouth, and enjoy the show. 




i want to start with this:

has a superbowl commercial. as a die hard new york giants fan i'm not really invested in the actual game this year - ALSO let me say THIS- the quarter-man of the 'edgar allen poe's' made a remark recently using a work i do NOT use. and i use every dirty word a sailor could use, except the one he used (its a slang term, i'm not even going to elude to it- google QB remark on holding bowl games in the snowy cold north and you'll see) AND THEN an idiot from the 'westward expansions' made a truly disgusting comment about sexuality. so now i'm just watching the game for the CALVIN KLEIN COMMERCIAL. i will then flip to the puppy-bowl.

CALVIN KLEIN has a commercial in the superbowl. for those of you who either frequent my closet or know me, know that 90% of my world is wrapped tightly in a calvin klein coating. i am draped in gorgeous capes and tight black trousers virtually every single day. i cannot remember the last time i was wearing a complete outfit without a calvin piece. we are on a first name basis. the friends of my girlfriend inner circle know that when i refer to 'calvin' its an item of fabulous-ness and not a human.

in the superbowl. in the superbowl. in the superbowl. the first time they have had one. it's the biggest news story since news was invented. stay tuned.